Plans for December

November went by rather quickly and yet I'm still not done with my project yet.  Finishing the last 2 tracks was a bit of challenge and finding the motivation to mix & master each track has also been difficult.  I had a lot of plans and ideas I wanted to carry out in December as soon as I finished this current project, but it seems I'll still be finishing it up these next few weeks.  What I really want to do in December is drop everything I was planning on doing and focus on learning one piano piece and one song and guitar.  I've planned on doing this for several years now and never found the time to do it.  Being away from practicing piano and guitar for so long this year, I feel drawn towards this old goal and make it a reality.  I also want to spend time getting through more games before I inevitably get some more during the Winter Sales.  I already pick up a decent amount of games this past weekend for Steam Autumn Sale, but I think I can finish a decent amount of them the following weeks.

I do miss watching anime as I haven't watched any since the start of October, but I don't know if I'll have any time.  Genshin Impact, Phantasy Star Online 2 and Guardian Tales continue to take up a lot of time out of my day as I'm saving up resources to get new characters or level them up.  My biggest concern is with Genshin Impact as it takes up the most time in my daily runs.  I think I need to accept the fact that I may not get the characters I want and just play the game's story normally and enjoy it that way.  Maybe I can just change it up in December I try to fit in watching anime as part of my daily schedule.

I just feel so torn as I was supposed to finish up my portfolio and start applying for jobs this year, and I felt so ready to do so.  But this recent project really makes me believe it's worth delaying all that just a little so I can make it part of my portfolio as it'll look better than anything else I've done in a while.  At the same time, I just want to be a bit selfish and not think about "work", "jobs" and "applications" and really try to learn that one piano piece and that one guitar song just for my own self-satisfaction.

The year is almost over, and it's been a strange feeling of it being very long and very short at the same time.  It's hard to describe.  A lot of awful things have happened this year in the world, and yet there was a lot of growth, change, and things that made me happy this year.  I'll admit, there were times I felt depressed or lost this year and wasn't sure what I should do.  It's been a whole decade since I've graduated from university and I've still yet to find myself in the videogame industry.  All the tragedies, virus outbreak, wildfires, civil unrest, and economic struggle made me question if there was a better future waiting for us or if it was just going to get worse.  I can only hope that 2021 is a turning point where the world not only recovers, but becomes even better than it was before.

I think I'm doing okay as I am right now.  It would probably be a good idea to quickly finish up everything I need to apply for jobs and do it throughout December, but I can't seem to let go of the idea of trying to learn that one piece on piano and song on guitar.  I guess I just want to stop worrying about the future and enjoy the present for just a month.  In January, I hope to be busy and productive with all sorts of projects and job applications.  But once I finish this current project, I think I want to relax for a bit.

Stretching myself thin

This month has been extremely productive, but exhausting.  I finally got around to doing one last example track for my portfolio.  It took a week of research, experimentation and picking out the instruments I wanted to use before I actually started composing.  What I originally wanted to do was make a semi-longer track that transition between different ideas to kind of tell a short story.  The narrative and ideas came out to be a bit longer than I expected and the track I made inspired me to split it into six separate ones to tell a somewhat longer story.  I’m already working on the 5^th track out of the six, so I’ve been making good progress.  The problem is how I went about my days this past month.

I have stopped watching animé entirely this month because of how much time I’ve been putting into working, exercise, and gaming.  I’ve explained what I’ve been doing with work.  For exercise, I decided to pick up Ring Fit Adventure for the Nintendo switch and have been utilizing it the past 2 weeks.  Despite all the push-ups, squats, and resistance band exercises I’ve been doing, I still felt like I needed cardiovascular exercise really badly.  Ring Fit Adventure has been a great stand in for not walking outside or going to the gym (since air quality has been poor outside and gym is closed due to Covid-19).  I also wanted a cardio workout to improve my sleep since it’s been so difficult to fall asleep the past year.  I think it would have helped if it weren’t for the fact I kept staying up so late every night.

With gaming, Genshin Impact is out and I’ve been playing it everyday if not to just to do daily quests.  Along with that, I’ve been still doing daily runs for Guardian Tales and Phantasy Star Online 2.  Playing through these 3 games has been wearing me down and I haven’t been completing any games the past few months.  So initially, I was playing Genshin Impact at 2AM when it resets to do my dailies, but then I wouldn’t feel satisfied and end up playing something else right after up until 5-6AM before I head to bed.  It was becoming a really awful habit and so I’ve changed it where I do dailies during the day and play other games at night.  I still haven’t really fixed it since I still go to bed around 3-4AM, but it’s a little better.  Minecraft Steve and crew were released for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and I played a bit of that.  Cagliostro released for Granblue Fantasy Versus and I ended up playing quite a bit more of the game again just to try to get better.  I spent quite a few hours in RPG mode farming for materials to make weapons, reviewed and practiced characters I was already learning and figuring out new ones.  I discussed with a friend I was playing with that I was a bit disappointed in myself for having over 100 hours in Granblue Fantasy Versus and was still playing at a basic level.  So I’ve been trying to learn and expand my knowledge, abilities and understanding of the game.  I also did a bit of that in Under Night In-Birth Exe:Late[cl-r] since I wanted to learn a few new characters.  Besides that, playing games like Yakuza 0, Halo 1 in the Master Chief Collection, Tangledeep and Rivals of Aether with mods on has kept me up quite a few nights.

I really am trying to improve myself this month in every aspect: music composition/production, gaming with self-improvement and learning new things, and health with implementing cardio exercise and trying to sleep at more reasonable times.  It’s become a bit overwhelming, but only a bit.  While I don’t feel pressure or stress from it all, I do feel like my motivation is starting to wane in everything I do.  This is contradicted with the motivation to do more with all of them.  I already have plans on what to work on next after this current project, but I really have to focus on putting the portfolio together and start searching and applying for job.  There are a TON of games I want to play and get through, but a lot of time is taken from just doing dailies on the three main games I’ve been playing everyday (approximately 1-3 hours per day).  I want to work out harder and actually try to lose weight and get a toned body for once.  But when it comes time to do any of them,  I feel tired just thinking about it.

For November, I need to focus on really putting my portfolio together and get myself prepare for job applications.  Other than that, I should also focus on restructuring my daily life and finding a good balance between everything so I can be more efficient and enjoy what I’m doing more.  If thing go well, maybe I can enjoy a month of relaxation in December.