Throughout my life, I've had this strange feeling of familiarity when looking at a cityscape.
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| Title Screen of VA-11 HALL-A |
To be more specific, the view of tall builds lit up under the night's sky is what triggers this strange feeling of longing or familiarity. The earliest known memory of seeing the large cityscapes was my first trip to San Francisco when I was around 11 years old or so. And my memories of that time was during the day. I'm not sure when it started, but every once in a while I'll have dreams at night where I'm looking at a large city full of lights at night and the air is cool. I have this feeling of wanting to be there. I started exploring this fascination by consciously thinking about what it could be linked to or what it could mean. This began around 2008 or so when I lived in Irvine for university and was surrounded by that exact setting: a cityscape that lights up under the dark night's sky. What I realized was that it could be the influence of videogames.
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| Beginning level of Ninja Gaiden 2 for the NES |
Even back in the days of playing NES, seeing scenes of tall buildings with its lights illuminating the dark night's sky evoked a sense of familiarity from me. Perhaps it was such a common sight in a lot of media shown in the 80's in movies and videogames that I get this sense of attachment.
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| Opening of Mega Man 2 |
Whatever the case, I feel almost...happy whenever I see something similar. During my first year at UC Irvine, I lived on the 2nd floor of my apartment and it had a nice view of this large building far in the distance with an ever-changing colored light that streaked across the top of it. I'd often sit on the chair in the living room or stand near the patio door looking out at it while eating or drinking something, just taking in the view before I went to sleep. I felt at peace during those moments in contrast to the crazy schedule I had during that time. I miss that view and I miss that feeling.
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| A scene from the first mission of Deus Ex Revision |
I think it's one of the few strange reasons I want to move back down to Irvine for work. I really enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere and looking at the cityscape at night. Those cityscape views are still a popular scene in videogames and I still get that strange feeling when looking at a similar scene. Perhaps it's a sub-conscious thought of wanting to be in that environment. Of course, I wouldn't want to live within a busy city and all its noise and people.
The other topic I wanted to talk about is this feeling of "intuition". I'm not sure if "intuition" is the right word for it, which is why I put it in parentheses. Throughout my life, there were many instances of when I'm presented with something unfamiliar (say like playing billiards for the first time or going to the driving range for golf) and yet having this feeling of knowing what to do. I wouldn't call it "talent" because many of those instances never showed great potential in something greater, but just a quick grasp on a new activity or topic. I get a somewhat similar feeling when doing something I enjoy: drawing, playing music, or skateboarding. I'm certainly not great or even good on a lot of those things, but they give me this feeling of "this feels right" sort of vibe when I do them. Perhaps it's endorphin shooting up my brain when that happens. I don't know if other people have the same or similar feelings when they do something unfamiliar or something they enjoy and I'm not sure how I would bring it up. I've cherished this "feeling" I get, especially when presented with something I'm unfamiliar with as it gives me this unreasonable confidence that makes no logical sense and yet pushes me forward. This feeling is strongest when I draw, work with music, or play videogames, which is why I do those things the most in my life. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this rant, but I suppose it's something I want to mention.
That's it for now. Enjoy the latest remix I uploaded today:
